This is a very frequent question I get outside the club: what do I actually gain from putting all this effort in, especially if I don’t plan to use these skills for street fighting? And that’s true, I don’t plan to fight anyone outside the club. If I ever end up in a situation that requires fighting skills, I would try to de-escalate first, if possible. That often makes people wonder why I bother training these skills at all.
Fighting isn’t the goal, strength is
Most people I train with never plan to fight and are very conscious about not being pulled into one. They’re well aware that fights can go wrong very quickly, and one of the first things you learn on your martial arts journey is that injuries hurt and recovery takes time. Still, most who trains have a heightened awareness of the potential dangers of the outside world. For some, that comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood; for others, from living in a mentally abusive household. Even if things never went physical, the fear often stuck.
This is where most people’s interest in martial arts actually comes from. The question isn’t “How can I start and win fights?” but “How can I stand my ground and protect myself if someone pick me?” That’s a very realistic question. If you’ve ever tried to say no at any point in your life, you know how poorly people tend to take it. It’s often followed by arguments, pressure, demands for explanations, or to change your mind. The draining push-and-pull begins. If you hold your no, conflict is often next.
People react to no so badly, in fact, that when you start considering refusing favors like free work, free food, free rides, etc., you’ll instinctively hesitate at first. You already know what might follow: people questioning your values, calling you names, getting emotional, and making you feel like dirt. With so much emotion tied up in these situations, it’s natural to feel the need to build self-defense skills.
So what can you do? Keep giving your time and money away, or start training and gradually build your capacity for integrity? Fighting still isn’t the goal of studying martial arts. Actually, the skills we gain from martial arts are physically and emotionally defenses, not offensive tools. We build mental resilience to keep exploitation at bay, and to navigate other people’s reactions to our boundaries.. Mental defense always comes first, that’s what keeps physical conflicts away.
The biggest value: growing out of the box
Your chosen martial arts club eventually becomes a place where you can uncover hidden strengths and discover parts of yourself you can build resilience on. That’s where I see the biggest value of fight sports, and that’s exactly what I gained myself: self-governance and resilience.
In adulthood, opportunities to develop new skills are quite limited outside of what what the everyday demands. Most people I know end up believing they’re good or bad at something based entirely on what others told them at one point in their life. Building strength becomes difficult because there’s no new input about who you are and what you’re capable of. Through training, many people discover that the box others put them in isn’t accurate at all. They have other skills, other potential, and other paths for growth that others couldn’t see.
When it comes to expanding physical limits, many sports can help to some degree. Martial arts, however, can go further by involving mental skills, helping develop emotional control, creativity, sharpness, intuition, on top of physical ability, because they demand full engagement of both body and mind. Every time you’re on the mat, you’re challenged not just physically, but emotionally as well, but you have to keep it together. So you learn to keep it together. Gradually, you develop awareness that expand into other areas of life. You become more comfortable with who you are and gain respect for both your strengths and your limits.
Eventually, the proud, long spine you walk home with after training becomes your normal posture. All because you’re doing something you never thought you could do, and developing skills you never thought you’d have.
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